What I Wish I Knew About Rejection

I was so excited when Ashley of Your Super Awesome Life reached out and asked me to be a part of her What I Wish I Knew series in which amazing women (including yours truly!) share what we wished we'd known back in our teens.

Of course I said yes to this opportunity and am writing today about what I wish I'd know about rejection. Oh my, there's so much to tell...

Image via TaradaraWhen I think about rejection when I was your age, I go back to my freshman year of college. Shortly after arriving and getting settled in my dorm, I met a boy at a party: Adam. Oh, dreamy Adam.

We hit it off. We made out. I was smitten.

After meeting Adam, I proceeded to spend so much time trying so hard - so so hard - trying to get him to like me. If only he'd realize how (pretty/smart/funny/sexy) I was, he'd be smitten too.

Dear lord, y'all, I tried so hard. *Shocker* it didn't work. After a while, Adam made it clear that he wasn't interested in me and proceeded to fall for a girl who lived in the dorm next door. A girl who'd just been herself the whole time.

Ironically, my quest to not being rejected led to my being rejected. Because I was Trying. And what matters/gets the boy/lets you shine isn't how hard you try, it's how true you are, how you show up in this world.

It's the being, not the doing, that counts.

What I wish I'd known was that rejection doesn't matter. We are all rejected and accepted every day, all the time. We spend so much time avoiding rejection that we forget to really live and truly BE.

The BEING is where the magic is. It's what makes us our most amazing selves. It's what makes us shine.

What I wish I'd known is that someday there is a person, many persons actually, who will love me (ALL OF ME!) for every piece of my being: the good, the bad, and the crazy.

If you're there, back in that if only he'd like me place, have faith that your day will come too. Whether you find your faith in a book, in the Bible, in your mom, or in the comfort of that good friend, trust it.

Trust that you will get there, to that place where you show up every day as your most beautiful self and say "Fuck 'em all" to the ones who don't want a piece of your sparkle.

And you will shine one, oh sweet one, you will shine on, like the bright, crazy diamond that you are. And the ones who are smart enough to stick around will be blinded by your light.

Trust that.

The truth about balance, a guest post by Marney Makridakis

I am thrilled to be bringing you a guest post today from Marney Makridakis, author of Creating Time: Using Creativity to Reinvent the Clock and Reclaim Your Life. One of the biggest complaints I hear from my clients is that there just isn't enough time in the day to get everything done...but what if you could create time? What might be available then?

One of the most prevalent comments I’ve heard about time is the idea that we need to “balance our time” to live a more “balanced” life. I think the concept of balance is, sadly, often misunderstood.

We often feel that if we are focused and disciplined, upbeat and positive, loving and generous, healthy and energetic…then we will be “balanced people.” And if the pie chart of our daily life has just the right ratios of work, life, family, health, spirituality, and service, then our time will be “balanced.”

The problem with striving for balance is that most people’s understanding of this state swerves away from what balance actually is! Balance is not about walking around with a bunch of “positive,” happy qualities; it’s about walking the tightrope between the poles within us and the circumstances outside of us.

True balance, ironically, means that we accept the parts of ourselves that can be pretty lopsided. Balance means we can embrace and love the most topsy-turvy parts because they offer gifts for full, authentic living.

Even though we measure time in a linear way, time is and always will be asymmetrical. One moment is not like another, just as each day is different and each tide that rolls in is different from the next. This is why it is impossible to “balance our time” by some objective pie-chart formula in a time management book.

Exploring nonlinear, asymmetrical time allows us to move in tandem with an inherently lopsided time and thus regain our relative balance. If we stop constantly measuring ourselves against the standards of linear time, we can accept ourselves more fully. New possibilities emerge as we tango with tenacity and disco with uncertainty.

Marney K. Makridakis is the author of Creating Time. She founded the Artella online community for creators of all kinds and the print magazine Artella. A popular speaker and workshop leader, she created the ARTbundance approach of self-discovery through art. She lives in Dallas, Texas. Visit her online at http://www.artellaland.com.

21 things you don't know about me.

1. I desperately need to go buy a couple pairs of jeans as all of mine have recently gotten holes in them. I’ve gained some weight (about 15 pounds) in the last year and I’m DREADING going shopping for them.

2. I hate that I’ve gained weight, and I hate that it’s snuck up on me without even noticing.

3. This seems like a symptom of a bigger problem: that I need to be present and make the time to take care of myself. That I need to make taking care of myself a priority. No matter what.

4. No matter what is a hard thing to explain to people that you are accountable to.

5. When I was trying on wedding gowns, the alterations person asked, “Is your body going to change before the wedding?” I said no, but I so desperately wanted to say yes.

6. Throughout my life, my body has had its happy weight. When I look back on times I’ve gained weight (one in particular when I gained ~45 pounds), I realize that it’s been when something has been off.

7. This last year has been hard with balancing my coaching biz, relationship with Tim, and the creation and sustaining of Teahouse.

8. I don’t know what Teahouse will be a year from now or if I’ll be a part of it. This is scary to put in writing. Really scary.

9. I'd like to say I'm certain it will be there, but I know that nothing is certain. And that I'm open to whatever comes, whatever it may be.

10.  Despite all of this, I really am happy, and know that amazing things are going to happen in my life. And that amazing things are happening now. I. Am. So. Grateful.

11.  I also look back in amazement at how far I’ve come and know that I am living my dreams.

12.  Sometimes, when you’re in it, living your dreams feels like really hard work.

13.  But it’s always worth it in the end. Always.

14.  I’ve had to accept, though, that during these times, it’s okay to be ready-for-bed tired at 9pm.

15.  And it’s okay to then go to bed at 9pm.

16.  It’s also okay to say no.

17.  A lot.

18.  And sometimes it’s okay to say yes.

19.  YES. Yes to the boy. Yes to the biz. Yes to the life.

20.  Because, it's true: living all in is scary.

21.  And for some of us, it’s the only way to be.

(A big shout out and thank you to Rachael Maddox for inspiring this post.)

thursday's confession: I'm a horrible juggler

Juggler by VioletMayY'all. I'm feeling whelmed. (I've been trying to avoid the word overwhelm, so whelm it is.)

I'm finding that I always have the grandest of intentions. I can get everything done. I can take care of it all. I can be everything to everyone.

Yeah, we all know how well that works, don't we.

Tim and I are moving full force into our wedding planning since we are trying to capitalize on the gorgeous September Bay Area weather and want to get married sooner rather than later (no, I'm not preggers!) (also, don't pretend you weren't wondering it). Since getting engaged less than two weeks ago, we have confirmed our date (September 15), venue, caterer, dress and invitations. Maybe we're magic.

In addition, we are also both trying not to let the wedding planning consume our lives.

Is this even possible?

I realized this morning that I have not done any business development for my coaching biz in the last two weeks. I'm working on a website redesign (sooo exciting!) and need to carve out some time to really immerse myself in where I am going.

Can I get all of this done while also being accountable to a lot of people in a lot of different areas (clients, Teahouse, non-profit gig, wedding)? I can, but I'm going to need to switch up how I do things for a while.

Here's what I'm shifting:

• Compartmentalize: I need to be able to be in my gmail without being distracted by whatever new email comes into my inbox. To handle this, I'm going to set up a separate email address for wedding and filter it into a different folder. This way, I can be deliberate about wedding planning without letting it consume my life and feel obligated to respond to things immediately.

• No Social Media: I'm about to take a pretty big break from social media and the internet in general. I find myself feeling overwhelmed and going unconsciously to Facebook. This isn't good.

• Rest, Good Food, Exercise, Less Alcohol: Having my time get crunched is usually a good indicator that I need to start taking really good care of myself. Right now, I'm making self-care a huge priority which means saying no to a lot of things and saying yes to myself. First.

• Own it: As I mentioned earlier, I know that I cannot be everything to everyone. I know that not everyone will agree with what we have planned for our wedding. And that's okay. As long as we follow our instincts and trust in what we want, we cannot go wrong.

How do you handle your own whelm? Anything else I should consider?

The Power of Niche: a guest post from Genevieve Brazelton

Do y'all know Genevieve and Shelly from Lightbox SF? I love what these ladies are up to, and when I heard about their new offering Ink Yourself, I asked Genevieve to share a guest post...enjoy!

We’ve built our coaching business on the premise that a small, independent business can’t and shouldn’t appeal to the masses. Too much effort and not enough pay off. Instead you need focus your marketing efforts on a small segment of potential customers that are clearly defined, a niche market.

The general market place is crowded; there are numerous choices for anything you choose to spend your money on. So to stand out in this overly crowded marketplace you need to be different and/or quirky, you need to connect and engage with your audience, you need to be memorable.

Why Different Matters

A business survives and flourishes by finding the people who get what you do and why you do it. When you speak directly to your customer’s problems and needs they hear you loud and clear. When you give them exactly what they’re looking for and solve their specific pain, they support you in any way possible.

You don’t water down your message by appealing to as many people as possible. Instead you embrace that your ideal customer is a cutting edge fashionista, always looking to stand out, addicted to vintage, and with very little disposable income (that means every piece counts, not that she’s cheap).

When you know who your true fan is then you can confidently talk about the little details knowing they’ll “get it” and really care. You can geek out over the history of a piece of fabric you’re using, you can list the designers that inspire you without needing to explain who they are, and you’ll make sure to tell her how versatile the piece is because you know that’s her first concern.

If you can make your customers feel like you’re talking directly to them, like you made each piece with them in mind (in a way you did), they’ll not only keep coming back they’ll tell others like them exactly why you’re the greatest at what you do.

How To Find Your Niche

This is where the hard work comes in and where we spend a lot time working with clients. Our strategy is to help clients take a long hard look who they are, what’s important to them, and what their strengths are. Then we look at what type of consumer these details will be important to. We define an ideal customer based on the unique details of the product or service and you as a business person.

Here are just a few of the questions we get them to answer in as much detail as possible:

• What do you do best?
• What skill or perspective do you have that no one else does?
• What problem do you solve or need do you fulfill?
• Who is already buying what you sell and why?

Because we know these questions are often hard to answer on your own we’ve developed an e-course, Ink Yourself: Using Story to Make a Bold Impression, that helps you really tap into your strengths and get a detailed picture of who this ideal customer is. Besides asking these questions and more, we’ve filled the course with profiles of businesses that are great examples of each of the 5 lessons so you can see it in action. We’ve also set up a forum for you to get feedback from the other participants and us at each step of the way and there will be a group call halfway through the course to make sure all your questions are being answered.

This 5-week guided e-course covers the same material it would take us 3 – 6 months to cover with one-on-one coaching and at half the cost. Can you afford not to take advantage?

Sign up now to begin defining your unique brand story and target market.

Genevieve Brazelton writes about creative marketing strategies over on the Lightbox SF blog. She also works with creative entrepreneurs to brand their businesses by telling their stories and embracing what makes them unique.

friday's confession: I'm engaged!

Hello dear friends!

I am coming to you today to share some beautiful news: Tim and I got engaged last weekend!!!

My head has been spinning ever since last Saturday when my sneaky, amazing boyfriend teamed up with my dearest friends to execute the PROPOSAL OF THE CENTURY. I was shocked! And thrilled!!!

And, of course, I totally said YES!

The story of the proposal is an awesome one, and my dear friend Mere (who was COMPLETELY in on the scheme) shared her insider's view over here on her blog!

You can also check out the slideshow on facebook to see the course of events -- Tim was sneaky enough to make sure that our dear friend Hilary, who also happens to be a professional photographer, was on board to capture our big day!

It's good stuff, y'all, really good stuff!

I feel so fortunate today to be loved by Tim and by all of our wonderful family and friends. This is only the beginning!!

finding your peace

It's already in you. Can you take the time and face the quiet to find it?

(image link: Fresh Words Market)

why sharing is bullshit and you should stop being nice.

I don't know about you, but I grew up hearing a lot of the following:

Be a good girl.

Don't take too much, leave some for everyone else.

Don't be stingy.

Don't take more than your share.

Play nice.

All of these might serve children well. I *get* why we want to teach our kids to share. It makes sense for kids.

As adults, as creatives, as wannabe successful business women, it's time to embrace the idea that sharing is bullshit.

That's right: sharing is bullshit.

When it comes to success, this adolescent concept of sharing is the way we play small.

Oh, I don't want to get too big for my britches.

I don't want people to think I'm bragging.

Who am I to make all this money? Have this success? Live my dream life?

Let me ask you this: who are you to not do all of this?

There's nothing wrong with success. There's nothing wrong with abundance. There's nothing wrong with having more work/money/friends/awesome than you can handle.

There's nothing shameful about living all in and playing full out.

There's nothing NOTHING wrong with earning what you're worth by living your truth. There's nothing wrong with following your passion and being rewarded beyond imagination for it.

There's nothing wrong with putting away the nice girl who always let everyone go first and becoming the girl who pushes her way to the front and asks for what she deserves.

There's nothing wrong with kicking ass and taking names. Fierceness counts, especially when you are trying to live your most radically alive life.

There is nothing wrong with redefining what it means to be a woman in this world: one who is compassionate and generous and a fucking force all at the same time. The world needs this. It needs us.

Be nice to yourself first. Take care of your dreams. Live by your own rules, and fiercely protect your truths.

It is the only way to get up there. And you are the only thing holding yourself back. Well, you and those old adages about sharing and being nice.

Are you ready to push them aside? There's work to be done.